Crazy days

So after some tough beats, and some tough times at 25NL I decided to do what other people do and withdraw everything and grow my bankroll from 50 dollars. This time I will be playing 2PLO and trying to move up. PLO seems like a simpler game in my opinion and people are a lot worse at each level. So basically I think I won about 500 from Dec to Jan. 16 and I'm happy with it. However, because I have such an ego I tilt to nitty regs and that's something that kills my winrate. Anyway, to summarize:

-Growing my bankroll with PLO and will play NLHE when I have enough to play 25NL.
-Will buy Omaha manager when I reach 10PLO.
-Will use 30BI for 5PLO, 40BI for 10PLO, 50BI for 25PLO, 75BI for 50PLO and finally 100BI for 100PLO and up.
-Will use the same rules for NLHE

Three straight losing days

Nothing too much to say about it. I'm just kind of donating some money back right now, and hoping I stop. I have alot of work to do over the next 2 weeks, so it's a good time to stop playing for a little bit.

Playing bad, not running bad

So today was the one time in the last month that I tilted during a session. I played bad and lost 3 BI. I tried a bluff that I thought would work, but didn't. I also spewed a stack or two playing really crazy. One thing that kind of got me on tilt was when one of the fish typed in chat "this fool never learns" when I had been raising alot. Now I usually don't care but the statement was so dumb that I just got mad at how anyone can be so stupid. I actually got to even from down 75 at one point, but I think a cooler later, and maybe a couple of bad bluffs later, I was down 3 BI again.

Oh well, live and learn right?

Sometimes I wonder...

I'm a 24 year old who still goes to school and although I understand what I want, I don't take the small steps in order to get there. I made 10 resolutions and I have already broken a few of those. I'm terrible to the people around me. Enough dwelling.


Pokerwise, I would say that I'm on the verge of finally breaking through with bankroll management and emotional stability. I've struggled for years to take beats with the right mindset, and in turn I also had trouble building up a bankroll when I could have easily been a winning player up to 50NL. I've been winning very steadily over 20k hands. I've had one losing session in about 20 days, which is not exactly proof of my emotional stability, but I have had swingy sessions where I've been up alot and then lost my profits on one hand. I no longer stack off as easy and I've learn to let go.

Another critical thing that I've done to improve my game is to play hands that other people say shouldn't be played. I've learned to expand my thinking in a way that has made me a better player. I've widened my range for everything, and it seems to be working for me. Anyway, another month or two or grinding and I'll start to play 50NL.

Things that I can't help

There are times during the day when I feel like killing myself. As most depressed people do, I dwell on the past, mostly on failures. I failed as a son, a brother and a friend when I was growing up. I used to want my friends to fail and was selfish to everyone around me. And I still think I am. I want to be a better person, and I want to be able to do it without thinking about it.

I think I might have to go see a shrink soon. I just feel so helpless sometimes.

Rollin Rollin Rollin

After a couple of days of having friends in town, I got a chance to sit down with a bankroll of 250~. I had won a couple of Omaha hands earlier this month at 25PLO to increase it. Anyway, I got to play about 1000 hands today and won 100 bucks. My bankroll is now somewhat too low to be playing 25NL, but at least I can rebuy when I 9-table now.

Nonpoker stuff wise, I have alot of work to make up this weekend. Having friends around is fun, but kind of makes me lazy to do work. Gotta start workin.

Good first day!

I had planned to deposit on Monday to start playing poker again, but I had remembered I left 40 bucks in my account so I decided to go boom or bust with it and bought in for a $12 180 man turbo tournament and a $27 45 man turbo tournament. I got knocked out by some fishcake in the 180 man when he sucked out on the river with his AJ vs my AQ, but I got pretty lucky in my 45 man tournament. I think I probably won 4-5 flips for all of my money, and won with JTs vs A5s for about half my chips. Cashed in at 3rd for 185 dollars. First place would have been nice, but quadrupling my current bankroll is good. When school starts I'm going to deposit another 600 anyway though. All in all, a great way to start the year poker-wise.